Personal Demons

By Jacy Welch

He sat straight up in his bed.  Sweat trickled down his nose and dripped off the tip.  He raised his wet hands and wiped the beaded perspiration from his head.  His adrenaline pumped through his veins, a remnant of the horrid dream he just had.  “Damn nightmares’” he swore to himself.  He swung his feet from his bed to the floor and took a moment to recover his senses before attempting to navigate his empty apartment.  Reaching to the nightstand he fumbled around in the dark for the half empty pack of cigarettes and the lighter that he felt he so desperately needed at that moment.  Finding them he pulled a smoke out, and tossed the pack mindlessly to the nightstand.   He stood and lit the cigarette, doing the same with the lighter.  As he began to navigate his apartment he noticed how utterly alone he felt.  The entire house seemed dead.  Not even the refrigerator was humming.  He stumbled through the darkness from room to room by memory.  His destination was the bathroom.

The door was open, he knew because that was how he left it.  Once through the doorway, he reached to his left and flicked the light switch.  They came on and blinded him temporarily.  He took a long drag off the cigarette as he waited for his vision to clear.  He moved towards the sink, being cautious not to look into the mirror.  For some reason he just didn’t like to look at himself in the mirror.  It almost unnerved him, as if he didn’t really recognize the image that looked back.  He turned the water on, staring into the bottom of the sink for a few minutes.  The cigarette burned in an ashtray beside the faucet.  Man that was a bad one; he remembered the nightmare in flashes.  Cupping his hands into the stream of water, he let them fill, and then splashed his face.  He felt the cool water wash away the sweat from his fitful sleep. “Gods let this cleanse my soul as well,” He mumbled.  He repeated the process a few more times. 

As he stood he caught himself in the mirror for a moment.  The time seemed to drag for eternity.  Something was terribly wrong, something that he couldn’t put his finger on.  He noticed his shoulder length blonde hair in disarray.  His thin frame seemed tenser than usual.  None of those things really seemed to be it.  After split second contemplation, it dawned on him.  It was his eyes.  Except for redness from lack of sleep, the color was its normal ice gray.  It was the expression that he saw in them.  Something was missing, something vital, that only a plague of nightmares could take.  It seemed as if for the first time he had noticed the darkness in his soul.  He couldn’t remember it being there before, but now was a different story.  The eternity ended with the blink of an eye, as he turned his head to reach for the towel.  What has happened to me, he questioned himself, as he walked into the living room.

He sat down on the couch, knowing that sleep would not return to him this night.  He snatched the remote from the coffee table and turned on the television.  As he surfed the channels he finished the cigarette.  “Never anything good on this late,” he complained to himself.  For about an hour he sat in a state of vegetation clicking through the channels before he dozed into sleep. 

Everything was black; silence filled the ethereal air that surrounded his false body.  Suddenly the surroundings began to blur and shift with color.  He watched in amazement as a dream formed around him.  He couldn’t remember ever watching his dreams form around him.  Interesting, was all his sleeping mind could summon as a thought.  As the dream began to solidify, he became aware of the surroundings.  He stood in the middle of a forest, on a path.  The foliage was too dense to walk through.  The forest seemed dark and threatening to him anyways.  The path was wide enough for one person to walk, and seemed to trail off into some mountains in the distance.  This is really strange, he thought, why is this so different?  Suddenly, he was aware of a presence behind him.  He spun on his heel to see what it was.  His eyes fell on nothing.  It was like the entity moved as fast as he did.  He could still feel it behind him, so he turned again.  This time his eyes fell onto a girl.  She appeared to be in her early twenties, with shoulder length brown hair.  Her hair was bound up in pigtails.  She wore a form fitting white robe over her thin frame.  Standing about 5 foot 6, she was perfection to him.  He couldn’t really make out the exact features of her face.  It seemed that the more he tried to focus on it the less detail he could see. 

“Who are you,” he prodded her, not really knowing what was the right thing to ask.  The girl smiled and let out an airy giggle.  This confused him; he didn’t know what to ask next. 

“You know me, stop thinking about it and feel,” she said in a thousand voices, each as soft and sweet as the one before.  The words echoed in his brain.  Feel. Feel what, what the hell is she talking about.  It began to seep into him, a feeling in his chest.  An ounce of fear, mixed with an eternity of longing.

“You are the one aren’t you?  The one I will find someday.”  She giggled in reply, one of the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard.  “Why are you here?”

She giggled again. “I am here to set you on the path,” she began in the thousand voices, “the path to me.”  He stood there looking puzzled for a moment. Why the hell was he here, why was he having this dream.  “Slay the darkness, to find the light.”  She began to giggle and fade away.

“I guess all things come to an end,” he mumbled to himself.  He began to feel where he had to go.  He started running down the path, trying to figure out what it was he had to do.  More importantly he had to figure out how to do it.  How was he supposed to slay something when he didn’t have a weapon.  This was the most abnormal dream he had ever had; everything seemed more vivid and real.  Even stranger there was a strange logic to it; all he had to do was figure it out.  As he came around a bend in the path he came to a halt.

Before him stood a tall, well built man.  His skin was ruddy underneath his long scraggly beard.  The man wore all black leather with spikes at the shoulders and running down the arms.  His leather gloves had spikes as well.  He had a red flaming sword in his right hand.  The man’s eyes were solid red and seemed to flicker with hatred.

“Ahh, you have come coward,” the man began, “You can’t hold me back here.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I am the anger that you hold back, the hatred that you harbor inside,” Anger started, “I am the one who will defeat you Joseph.”  With those words Anger attacked.  Joseph staggered back to avoid the swing; he could feel the heat from Anger’s blade.  Fear began to well up in him.  How am I to defeat him, Joseph thought in panic?  Anger took another broad swing.  Joseph staggered back again, this time tripping over a rock.  He fell to the ground with a thud.  Anger moved over him with a grim smile on his face.  His eyes flickered with rage.  Joseph noticed a fist sized rock within arms reach.  He wrapped his fingers tight about it, as Anger knelt down.  Joseph began to feel the adrenaline pump into his system.  His heart beat loudly in his ears.

“You die here, coward,” Anger snarled through gritted teeth.

“Never,” Joseph screamed as loud as he could with every emotion he could summon.  He swiftly raised the rock and smashed it into Anger’s temple.  The demon stumbled backwards, dropping his sword.  In an instant he was gone, only a thin vapor of smoke remained.  Joseph crawled over to the sword and picked it up gently.  He swung it back and forth a few times to get the measure of it.  This is magnificent, he thought, now I have a weapon against these accursed dreams.  He rose to his feet as the adrenaline began to wear off, and began running down the path.

It seemed days had gone by, but this was the way of dreams.  Time seemed to go by in a flash.  John still ran down the path.  The dark edges of the forest seemed to creep in on him from time to time.  The whole time he ran he thought about what was really happening.  Joseph had figured out that this was not a normal dream; it was more a spiritual test put on by his subconscious.  The purpose of it was still unclear however.  All he knew was that it had something to do with his own darkness and that in the end he would have to defeat all his demons.  The thought that he could fail disturbed him.  What would happen then, he asked himself.  Lost deep in his own thought Joseph didn’t see the old man in front of him.  He ran right into him and being knocked off balance, fell to the ground.  The old man fell to the ground as well.  His face was nearly impaled on Anger’s flaming sword.

“By all means,” the old man spoke in disarray.  His voice was quite and raspy, yet not entirely unpleasant.  He had a long white beard and ice blue eyes.  A thin man, he was covered in dark blue robes.  The old man stood and offered Joseph a hand. 

“I am terribly sorry sir,” Joseph stumbled for the words.  He felt slightly embarrassed at the fact that he didn’t even notice the old man in the path.

The old man looked at him and smiled, “Your damn right your sorry.”  Joseph was a little stunned at the reply.  The old man continued, “You damn near killed me.”

“I -,” Joseph began only to be cut off.

“I don’t want to hear it, Go sit on that bench,” the old one commanded.  Joseph reluctantly obeyed.  He didn’t really understand what was happening.  He thought maybe the old man held some vital information.  The old man began to carry on about all manner of things, Joseph found himself falling into a trance like state.  He thought he might be falling asleep at first, and then he realized he was already asleep.  Joseph tried to shake the feeling.  He began to notice that the old man was beginning to go into personal details about Joseph’s life.  How does he know that, Joseph’s brain screamed at him?  The old man began to talk about choices that Joseph had made that he felt guilty about.  Joseph’s heart began to feel like it was sinking through the back of his chest.  The old man continued on with stories of ex-girlfriends that Joseph had hurt badly.  The trance like feeling seemed to grow stronger.  Thin wisps of glowing smoke began to emit from the old mans mouth.  Like tentacles they wavered about and began to move towards Joseph.  Joseph could see the things moving in his direction but they didn’t seem to register with his mind. 

One of the smoke wisps penetrated Joseph’s skin right above his heart.  Joseph could feel the cold tentacle as it wrapped itself around his heart like a vice.  A signal struggling to reach his numbed mind crept up the back of his spine.  Joseph could hear his heart beat beginning to slow.  The old man kept talking.  Joseph began to panic; his mind began to scream in terror.  No, no, I can’t die like this, not here.  Joseph pulled every ounce of thought that he could muster.  He focused on one thing, movement.  He stared at his numb hand. Move damnit, Moooovve.   He saw a finger twitch.  He focused more thought into making another twitch.  The finger responded reluctantly.  He could hear his heart slowing to a crawl. Stand up, you freak, stand up, his mind screamed at him.  He focused the panic, and the thought.  His body slowly responded.  As he stood he could feel the old mans spell breaking.

“You won’t take me,” Joseph mumbled, his lips fighting the very activity of speech.  The old man glared in amazement.  He looked stunned that Joseph was standing.  As the old man glared in a mix of anger and awe, Joseph began to regain his strength.  He could feel the warm hilt of Angers sword in his hands.  With a battle roar that would move a mountain, Joseph raised the blade and slashed the old man across the chest.  Like Anger, Guilt vanished into smoke.

Joseph took a moment to recover from the experience.  It was very unnerving to know that not all demons came in a form that appeared threatening.  He began to wonder if the girl at the beginning of this accursed nightmare was really the girl of his dreams or if she was just another demon.  He chuckled to himself, which would be almost fitting.  He could imagine the irony in that. 

Joseph began to feel that time was running out.  An odd sensation, almost like he was being coerced.  No sense in wasting anymore time, he thought to himself.  He began his journey down the path, knowing another demon waited for him somewhere ahead.  As he ran Joseph began to notice that the forest seemed a little less dark.  He wondered if it was because to of his darker emotions had been defeated.  Joseph began to hear the sound of running water up ahead.  As he approached he could see a small bridge that crossed a brook.  Joseph slowed his pace to a walk.  In his mind it appeared as a good place for an ambush.  He walked carefully up to the bank.  Peering into the water, he saw images appear and then fade on the surface.  Thinking out loud he asked himself what this place was.  He watched as the sentence formed on the surface of the water.  Joseph stood a moment in amazement.  He watched as the thought in his head formed on the water and then faded as quickly as they had come.  He began to realize that he stood at the crossroads of emotion and the stream of thought.  Joseph was snapped out of his awe by the sound of splashing at the edge of the stream.  Peering upstream he saw a very thin man, wearing only jeans and shoes.  The man turned to him and smiled.  Instantly the stranger stood before Joseph.

Surprised Joseph stepped backwards and raised the flaming blade.  Somewhere deep in his mind, he had the urge to flee. Why are you here, echoed inside his head?  The man continued to smile and looked from side to side.  The motion of his head was fast enough to blur his features.  Somewhere a tree snapped and fell over.  Don’t you have someplace to be, leapt into Josephs mind?  Joseph himself was beginning to feel that he had somewhere to be besides here.  He began to look around trying to figure out where it was he had to be.  Frantic thought of where he had to be, and of all the things he had to do began to flood his mind.  He began to feel restless and confused.  It seemed as if his entire life had been pointless solely because he had not gotten enough done.  Now is the time to make up for it.  The man smiled and nodded his head yes.  Perhaps I should cross the bridge, Joseph thought.  The man smiled even wider.  Suddenly Joseph was floating in the air; he was powerless to get down.  His speed increased, the old fear began to brew again.  Joseph knew he had run into another demon, and had once again fallen for the tricks.  The demon was Restlessness.  He figured that out before slamming into a tree on the opposite bank from the demon.  He slumped to the ground in agony; it felt as though he had run into a brick wall at fifty miles an hour.  Stunned and dazed he looked up to see Restlessness hovering above him, a gruesome smile on his face.  Joseph’s mind began to flood with more thoughts on where he had to be, and how he had to get there now.  He forced them down, trying to focus on more important current events.  Restlessness began to laugh, glancing from side to side, his every movement like lightning.  Trees began to tumble and fall into the stream.  The tree that Joseph had met so personally snapped off at the top and began to fall.  Joseph was barely able to roll out of the way fast enough.  He continued to roll as Restlessness’s psyche lashed out wildly.  It began to occur to Joseph that there was no rhythm to his opponents’ attacks.  They just came on a whim.  Joseph realized a way to defeat him.  Rolling to his feet he ran to the bridge.  Without stopping he launched himself into the air to where Restlessness hovered.  Mid way through the jump, Joseph realized that the sword lay on the bank of the stream.  Another tactic was devised in an instant.  He drew back his arm as if to punch, but left his hand open.  As he approached Restlessness he lunged for the throat.  He could feel the thin mans neck in his palm.  The two opponents fell into the water, Joseph landed on top Restlessness.  He made sure to plant his knee into his chest on impact.  Restlessness struggled against Joseph’s grasp.  Joseph squeezed tighter.  He could see his violent thoughts forming in the water as he pushed the demons head under water.  Restlessness struggled until there was no life left in him.  Joseph stood and watched as the body disappeared into smoke that was trapped underwater.  Joseph waded through the knee-deep water to the shore.  He retrieved his blade and rested against the stump of a shattered tree.  This is madness, he thought to himself, what demon will I have to fight next.  A scarier thought than thought crept into his head, how many demons would he have to fight.  What if there was no end, and he was trapped in this test forever. 

Joseph decided it was better not dwell on possibilities, and to move on to the next task.  He stepped foot on the road and noticed that there was a noticeable change to the darkness of the forest.  It was brighter and less threatening.  It almost felt peaceful.  Joseph began to run, he had the feeling he was getting close to his goal.  The path began to get hilly, it was up and down.  It seemed as though it was generally running uphill.  As Joseph crested a hill he could see a cliff not far off into the distance.  As he stood there he began to feel uneasy, like someone was just over his shoulder.  He turned to look and saw no one.  Looking slowly around he saw nothing to make him feel uneasy.  Without a thought he headed towards the cliff face.  He could feel that he was going in the right direction. 

As he approached the base of the cliff he could see two men sitting at a campfire.  The two men appeared to be twins.  They stood as he got close enough to see the details of the two men. One wore all black robes, the other a robe of multiple colors.  Both were of medium height and build with strongly chiseled features.  Each also wore a sword about his waist.  As Joseph got within normal speaking range the two men drew their blades.  Joseph noticed that the man in the multi-colored robes kept looking about as if he were about to be jumped and beaten by some unseen force.  The man in black robes looked as though someone had walked over his grave. 

Joseph began to wonder how he was to defeat two demons at once.  He could feel them creeping into his brain like serpents, all the others had done the same in some way.  He realized that now.  These were not only demons they were a part of him.  It was a little strange that he was running around in a dream slaying parts of himself with a flaming sword.  He almost laughed out loud at the thought.  I’ll never be able to defeat them, entered his mind, as did a feeling that he was being watched.  It was hard to shake the uneasiness he had begun to feel earlier.  Placing the feeling he had to the demons before him he spoke.

“You must be Doubt and Paranoia,” he said nodding to each in turn.  The brothers looked at him strangely.  Doubt looked down at his black robes as if he was just going to give up.

“We are,” Doubt spoke in reply, “And you will not defeat us as you have defeated our brethren.”  Joseph looked off into the cliff for a moment.  Thoughts began to fill his head.  Was he really here to defeat the darkness?  Could he outsmart his own emotion?  An idea slammed into Joseph with the force of a thousand bricks.

“Paranoia,” he began and waited for the man in the multi-colors to acknowledge, “has your brother always been plotting against you.”  Paranoia just looked at him with a puzzled expression on his face.  “Doubt here is planning on killing you,” Joseph continued, “ I guess you didn’t know that.”

Doubt looked at his brother, “He lies.”  Paranoia looked back to Joseph.  Joseph struggled for a way out; Doubt was planting thoughts into his mind.  Joseph managed to shrug off the attack from both of them long enough to get a clear thought.

“Who knows the two of you better than me, Paranoia.”  With that Paranoia turned and slashed his brothers head off.  Doubt disappeared in a puff of smoke.  Paranoia turned back to Joseph and attacked.  A broad swing that was riddled with sloppiness grazed over Joseph’s head.  Joseph just shouted, “Behind you, what the hell is that.”  Paranoia whipped around to see what it was that Joseph was shouting about.  In the instant he was off guard Joseph took his head.  Paranoia vanished as all the rest had.

Joseph laughed as he walked over to the cliff.  He couldn’t believe that Paranoia fell for the oldest trick in the book.  Joseph began to look for the easiest climb.  He knew that his goal was on top of this cliff he could feel it in his soul.  He began to climb the treacherous slope.  Every so many feet a rock would break loose and he would slip.  Fear made him hold on.  He found himself wondering if what people said about falling in a dream was true.  He pushed himself to the top.  As he pulled himself over the last edge he saw his destination.  He allowed himself a moment to rest.  His muscles ached from the climb and he was beginning to feel the wear and tear of running all the way through the forest.  His fingers were bleeding in places.  I must finish this, he thought.  Joseph forced himself to stand.  His will drove him now.  He forced his tired aching body to walk over to a small dome about five feet high by ten feet in diameter. He could see a rectangular shaped opening that he assumed was the front.  He made his way to the opening, as he stood before it he noticed that it was not a door, but a mirror.  He looked at his reflection in the mirror for a moment.  There was something strange about this reflection.  It was imperfect like looking into a funhouse mirror.  There were other abnormalities as well he began to notice.  The eyes were completely black, the flaming sword held cold blue flames instead of the usual orange red.  The clothes had tears and tatters that weren’t there.  The eeriest part was the way the face was oddly twisted.

Joseph looked at the strange reflection for a moment more, and then it moved.  Joseph stepped back in shock.  He began to watch as the mirror rippled from the center out.  It was if he stared at his reflection in a pool just disturbed by a single drop of water.  He became even more shocked as he noticed the sword in the reflection begin to pierce through.  Joseph stepped back in awe as he watched the mirror warp and bulge.  The hand holding the sword came through and then pulled back into the reflection.  The face opened its twisted mouth and began to scream.  From Joseph’s side of the mirror he could barely hear the sound.  The mirror began to waver and crack, the scream got louder.  Suddenly it shattered; Joseph raised his arms to protect his face.  Mirror shards dug into his skin, the pain was almost immeasurable.  Lowering his arms Joseph saw the twisted figure of himself.  The figure held a characteristic of every demon that came before.  The only thing that didn’t reflect any part of the other demons was the face.  It was horribly twisted and corrupt with solid black lifeless eyes.  The monstrosity lunged at Joseph.  Joseph just stepped back.  All the thoughts from before began to seep into his mind.  The two stood there for a moment and looked at each other.  Is this what I will become if I lose, Joseph thought.  The thought was horrendous.  He lunged at the beast that was he.  The beast blocked his attack easily and countered.  Joseph blocked the creature’s attack just as easily.  The two went on that way for minutes.  Joseph was beginning to wonder if he could win.  The thoughts of the other demons had left flooded his mind.  Joseph shrugged off the negative thoughts.  As he traded blows with the final demon, he began to see clearly what was going on.  It’s a big chance but one I have to take, He thought.  Joseph threw aside his blade, and leaped at the demon.  The two fell to the ground and rolled towards the cliff face.

“I see now that I am not meant to beat you,” Joseph growled as the two tumbled. The creature just growled in response.  “I see that you and I are one,” Joseph continued screaming, the creatures eyes began to glass over.  It roared in what almost seemed fear.  The two came to a halt inches from the edge.

“I know, that you are just an emotion and that I can master you, you cannot defeat me!”  With that the monster began to fade into a mist.  Joseph took a breath and the smell of it burned his nostrils.  In an instant the creature was gone.  Joseph lay on his back struggling to figure out how the hell he had realized that.  He forced his weary dream body to stand.  Noticing a light emitting from the direction of the dome, Joseph moved to investigate.  He came up to the mirror, which was now whole again.  The reflection was normal except that the darkness in his eyes was gone.  The mirror glowed with a strange blue light.  Joseph touched the smooth surface and watched as it rippled in response.  With a breath he stepped through.  A bright light engulfed him, it blinded him.  Somewhere in the distance he heard the girls giggle.

As his vision began to clear, he could make out the familiar skylight in his apartment.  The sun shone brightly through.  Looking over at the clock he realized he was late for work.  Joseph rushed through the shower and shave stages of his morning routine.  He dressed hurriedly in the first suite he could find.  He wasn’t even concerned about the wrinkles in the shirt.  He bolted down the stairs of his small apartment building and out into the streets of New York.  Whistling for a taxi, one responded immediately.  Joseph got into the cab as fast as he could and told the driver where to go.  Noticing another person in the cab he looked over to apologize for any inconvenience.

His jaw dropped in shock.  The girl from his dream sat right next to him.  She looked over, flattered at Joseph’s response to her. 

“What is your name,” she asked.  Joe fumbled for the words.  It seemed his mouth did not want to function.  Every emotion he had faced in the dream ran through his heart.  Joseph took a moment to focus.

“Joseph Carol,” he said clearly. 

The two talked all the way to Joseph’s work, they exchanged phone numbers, and the rest is history.