He sat in a cell.  The walls were cold rusted steel, and they were impenetrable.  He had tried to escape the hole that contained him.  The cell was in a very special prison.  Beyond the walls lay a wasteland that no human, only lost souls, could ever survive.  Beyond the walls lay purgatory.  Marduk pulled his cold steel wings about him and stared off into the rich architecture of his prison.  He began to remember how it felt to be pure; it hurt him inside to remember that once he was as pure as any angel in heaven.  He remembered the time before, when his wings still held the clarity of thought and purpose that showed itself in white feathers.  He looked at the metal implants that marred his body now, each a mark of his own sins and wrong choices.  As he sat there alone, he remembered how it all began.

He had stood before god with twelve of the chosen angels.  The omnipotent being's warmth flowed as water all around them.  The angels stood straight and at attention, each waiting to receive the gift, since they had all passed the chosen trials that were necessary for the coming battle on earth.  Each angel had been tested to see which would be the best to go forth and restore balance to the forces of nature.  Marduk was the last in line.  He too had passed the trials with perfection. 

They all stood before God listening to him speak.  His voice boomed all around them.  He spoke of honor, and of purity; of resilience in the face of darkness.  He spoke a warning to stay focused so they did not lose their way.  It was all they could do to keep from being blown away by the sheer power of his voice.  A human would have been crushed to death under the pressure of god’s voice.  When God had finished his speech he gave the greatest gift he could ever give; God granted the thirteen tested angels a soul, free thought, and emotions.

Marduk sat in his cell he remembered the pain of the gift.  He remembered the day he fell from heaven to do God’s work.

God’s light engulfed him.  Marduk fell to his knees in agony.  His entire creation was being changed, altered and shaped.  He threw his head back and screamed as loud as he could.  Next to him he could hear his brothers doing the same.  They seemed very distant.  The cries of his brothers seemed to grow more distant as Marduk began to fall.  His chest seemed to surge with an unknown energy.  His heart beat so fast; it felt as though it would stop from the strain.  The sensation of falling grew more intense, and the entire cosmos seemed to grow colder, darker, and more threatening.  The pain became so immense that Marduk blacked out.

Strange, he thought to himself, my first emotional experience was pain.  I wonder if that’s how it was for the others.  He sat for a moment staring at the cold walls and dark corners of his prison.  He struggled to clear his head, but the thoughts of how all this had happened just wouldn’t leave him.  He recalled his first night on Earth.

He opened his eyes to darkness.  After a moment, his eyes adjusted and he could see that the rocky terrain around him was covered in snow.  Snow fell pure and gentle from the sky.  He thought it ironic that pure snow fell on the place where one of heaven’s purest angels had landed.  The world, however, seemed abnormally cold, and Marduk noticed that God’s warmth seemed so far away.  It was almost untouchable here.  Marduk stood and looked around.  He could see that he had landed somewhere in the mountains.  As he walked over to the edge of a steep cliff, he began to unfold his wings.  He took in a deep breath and stretched his wings as he reached the edge.  The cold air soothed his aching lungs.  Marduk looked down to see a sprawling city beneath him.  A sense of peace filled his chest at the way the light flickered off the snow.  A new experience to him, Marduk took a moment to observe and feel his surroundings.  He felt with emotions he had never before had.  Marduk thought for a moment about what to do.  The ability to choose was a new experience to him as well; having never been able to choose his own path.  Looking again over the distant lights of the city, Marduk saw the evils contained therein.  He could sense so many wrongs that needed corrected; he could sense imbalance between good and evil.  Marduk knew that his purpose was to balance this place.  Why else would God have chosen this place?  With a thought he made his naked body disappear, and took flight.

In his cell Marduk could hear footsteps outside.  They shuffled about restlessly, and one of them seemed to be dragging a leg.  Marduk knew that they were just lost souls wandering about, searching for a way into his prison.  They could sense his presence, and thinking he could save them would attack him madly.  He chuckled to himself at the thought.  I can’t even save myself.  With the shuffling sounds moving away Marduk once again slipped into thoughts about his past.  He remembered the turning point of his soul.  Leaning his head against the wall, Marduk allowed the past to wash over him.

He walked through the streets of sin invisible.  The sight of him to those who did not know the way caused them to flee in fear.  He kept himself hidden for this purpose.  Rounding a corner he noticed a burly rat of a man holding a gun.  A girl stood in front of him shaking in fear.  Tears rolled down her face falling to the concrete below.  The man screamed at her to shut up and hand over her money.  The girl pleaded with him, saying she did not have any.  Marduk cautiously moved closer to the situation.  The man demanded until his frustration got the better of him.  He pulled the trigger and a shot broke the air.  To Marduk everything seemed to move in slow motion as the girl fell; the bullet had pierced through her heart.  The man turned and ran into the night.  Having seen a great wrong, Marduk moved to the girl.  He could see her soul preparing to leave before its time.  He looked around, however, and saw that Death was nowhere to be found.  I cannot let this child suffer like this, he thought.  He placed his hand over the wound and focused his energy.  The bullet leapt from the girl’s chest and into his palm.  He closed his hand around the bullet, and the wound began to close.  After only a moment the child was restored to full health; her soul settled back into her body.  Her eyes fluttered open and she looked Marduk directly in the eyes. 

“Thank you,” she whispered.  Marduk was amazed that the girl could see him.  He stood and stepped away.  His pride swelled in him as he realized that this was the greatest thing he had done so far.  He smiled warmly at her.  Spreading his wings in glory, he took to the skies.

Marduk stood in his cell and stretched his weary legs.  The emptiness of his prison was beginning to bother him.  He traced the architecture with his angelic eyes.  Every curve in the wall seemed to lead into another forming a chain of interlocking circles around the top.  Another large circle was molded out of every wall.  Each of those circles held a slightly smaller circle on top of it.  The lower circle had what appeared to be rivets all about the circumference.  Marduk knew they were not; he had checked.  They were crafted directly out of the circle giving the illusion of possible escape.  He paced across his cell and sat in the corner.  Pulling his knees to his chest, he remembered more of the sins that made him the lost angel he now was.

Marduk sat proudly in disguise at his favorite diner.  He was working on his third plate of food, a delicious steak.  He could not believe how incredibly perfect food seemed to be.  He felt envious of humans for being given the ability to eat so many years before an angel was.  Marduk knew that food was not necessary to sustain him; nevertheless he had just discovered that he liked to eat.  He finished the steak and the side of mashed potatoes.  Taking a break he sipped on a beer.  The waitress approached to take the empty plate.

“Is that all sir,” she said almost annoyed. 

“Yes, thank you,” Marduk began. “ In seven years I have not had such food.”  The waitress looked at the disguised angel strangely.  She knew that the food wasn’t that good.  Marduk had decided that eating was something to do as often as possible.  The pride he felt at correcting wrongs was nothing in comparison to how much he enjoyed food.  Marduk sat in the diner watching the traffic pass by, and for a moment, he didn’t care about all the wrongs.  He was beginning to think that humans had been given everything, and they spoiled it.  He was jealous at the way his father forgave everything they did. I want what they have, he thought. I wonder if god would forgive an angel if it were like this?

I wonder if God would forgive an angel..?  The thought echoed in his mind as he stared at the cell walls.  All of his sins were beginning to drive him mad.  He was beginning to think that he would be stuck in this cell for eternity with only his thoughts.  Marduk doubted if any creature could handle that.  It was unnerving, cruel punishment.  The thoughts began to come again.  Marduk let his eyes close, and his head slump.  I don’t want this anymore Father; please forgive me.  The memories he tried to fight off broke free into his consciousness.

It had been two hundred years since he fell to earth; since he had begun to fight for balance.  His pride was expansive, but in two hundred years, he had grown tired.  He fought off evils everyday.  He had watched mankind develop technology that closely mimicked the power of God.  Wherever he found such devices, he destroyed them.  To Marduk, it was wrong for man to rival God in their ability to create.  His quest to right wrongdoings was now fueled by anger at humanity, and not the glory of God.  He was jealous and had become a glutton.  He ate as often as possible; thankfully, he could never grow fat.  Marduk had killed for God, healed for god, and now wanted something for himself.  He had not seen another of his kind since he fell.  His heart was troubled and alone. 

He had begun to long for a companion, and seeing the beauty of human women tormented him.  One day he came across perfection, a human woman who should have been an angel.  She had long blond hair and green eyes.  She seemed to have a glow about her that stirred something deep in Marduk.  I must have her.  To him, she was the purest creature he had ever seen on earth.

Marduk stopped seeking Gods purpose for her.  He watched over her daily activities looking for a chance to take her.  He longed for her touch, to hold her close.  She was married, but that didn’t bother him.  He only wanted her for one night.  Marduk knew that if he tried to keep her for longer his own immortality would cause him more pain.  He knew that eventually her beauty would fade, and her body would fail; that no matter how he tried she would leave him in the end. 

After months of contemplation and waiting, Marduk got the chance he had waited for so patiently.  Her husband left on a business trip to Europe.  The day he left, Marduk took his form and walked into the house.  When she questioned him, he lied, telling her that he had to have her close before he left.  Marduk took her in his arms; he felt her warmth, likening it to that of his Fathers.  He made love to her.  He lay with her for a time, enjoying her comfort.  Thinking back on how many things he had missed for just that moment, he decided it was worth it.  He rationalized the guilt of his deception.

I can’t rationalize now.  Marduk began to feel the guilt of his wrongs.  He realized he had committed nearly every sin over the course of a thousand years; murder, lust, gluttony, sloth, all stained his soul. Every deadly sin rested somewhere.  He remembered walking out of her house and how empty he felt.  He knew that he had fallen in love with the women he had deceived.  He had stained her purity for his own wants and he couldn’t forgive himself for that.  He recalled the sins transforming his body into what it now was.  The implants that showed his stains ached even now.  He had become the corrupted semblance of an angel.  He remembered fighting five hundred years for cleansing and forgiveness.  He fought for redemption in Gods eyes as well as to achieve his purpose.  Now he sat in this cell awaiting his demise.  He was tired of fighting, tired of seeking for answers.  He wanted forgiveness and peace.

Marduk was snapped out of his misery by the sound of the doors opening.  He leapt away from where he sat to the middle of the room.  Dropping to his knees he prayed, as he had seen so many humans do.  Father forgive me, he begged.  He muttered all the prayers he knew as the tears began to fall.  Fear gripped his heart as he heard the sound of the lost souls entering the room.  Please, please, Father pleas … , his thoughts trailed off as the lost ones stopped moving.  NOOOO, his mind screamed in terror as the thought of this being another part of his torture.  He began to whimper for forgiveness.  His pride was gone decades ago.  He no longer cared about such menial things.  He just wanted rest and forgiveness. 

Suddenly he became aware of another presence.  It was similar to his own, only more pure.  He opened his eyes and saw, through teary eyes, another angel.  She had long blond hair, and her wings were the purest of any angel Marduk had ever seen.  She quietly knelt beside him, as Marduk noticed that the lost ones seemed frozen in time.  He continued to weep as she pulled his head close to her chest.

“I just want some peace,” he pleaded to her as he struggled to see her through the tears.  Her face gained an instant of clarity and then faded back to a blur.  Marduk just let his head fall again.  She embraced him gently and whispered, “I forgive you Marduk, God forgives you.”  Marduk began to realize who she was.  Marduk continued to weep as peace filled his heart.  He received the forgiveness of the woman he had wronged, which was now an angel.  He let the peace fill him as he wept, and as she supported him.  Even with all his sins, she was there, supporting him.